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tv   The Daily Show with Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  December 7, 2016 11:00pm-11:32pm PST

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ch. montrel decided to turn his life around, and he applied for several jobs. ten minutes later, he used the applications to roll joints and fell asleep on the couch, like a real nigga. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much. thank you, everybody. welcome to "daily show." thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight from the hit fx show "atlanta," brian tyree henry is here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) really excited for that. but first, but first, let me tell you about this thing that happened in japan. so, as a holiday publicity stunt, domino's pizza over there decided it was going to have
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reindeer deliver its pizzas. and it did not go so well. ( laughter ). >> the company in japan launched the program last week. it had actual reindeer deliver pizza. it soon found, reindeer are not very good delivery drivers. the reindeer refused to stop at delivery spots. they shook the g.p.s. off the antlers. they kept shaking the pieces from their pouches. >> trevor: oh, man. did you see that reindeer shaking those boxes off. i bet santa is watching it like, "oh, you (bleep) thought it looked easy. how about some credit up in this bitch." you know why i find this so funny is, just think of this. when do many people order domino's pizza? when they're super high, right? ( laughter ) and then just imagine you open the door, and there's some kind of jacked up horse with antlers standing in front of you, and suddenly you have to make a choice-- do you freak out and then he knows you're high, or do you play it cool like nothing's weird? ( laughter )
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"here you go, buddy. merry christmas." ( laughter ) so the bad news is, domino's had to pull their delivery reindeer off the job. but the good news is that they have a great deal right now on a meat lover's special. yes-- oh, no, no. don't worry. don't worry. it's not the reindeer. it's just all the cows and pigs you don't care about. but moving on, the holidays are right around the corner, and because crump is going to be president, santa can't come to america anymore because he's a flying immigrant with a beard. ( laughter ) ( applause ) and it's so hard to get use to the fact that donald trump will be president, especially because he lost by 2.5 million votes. but then, he won the electoral college, which is all that matters. it's almost like being in a relationship. you know how in relationships quality time matters more than the quantity of time. like you get into fights like, "why are you so angry? i hung out with you all
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weekend." she'll be like, "yeah, but you spent hours sleeping." you're like,, it was night!" and then all of a sudden it doesn't count. if you're like me, you probably thought on election day americans were going to the polls to elect a president. but if you did vote, your vote didn't go to clinton or trump or the best third-party candidate out there-- haram bay. he may be dead, my friends, but at least he knows where aleppo is. when people voted, they were actually voting for electors who are basically a bunch of locally appointed representatives who then vote on your behalf. which, again, makes no sense to me. that's like going to a deli but for some reason you can't order for yourself. you're at the counter, "hey, can i have a sandwich?" and some guy is like, "whoa, whoa, whoa. i got this. hey, can he have a sandwich?" ( laughter ) it's a bizarre twist on an already bizarre system because there are two ways to pick a president. there's giving it to the person
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with the most votes-- commonly known as democracy. and then there's how america does it. >> we're the only democracy in the world that doesn't count the popular vote. >> this is the second time in 16 years that the person coming into the white house has lost the popular vote. >> under the electoral college system, a candidate who wins the most votes gets all of that constituent's electoral votes. a candidate with win millions of individual vote in a state like florida and still lose all that state's electoral votes because they lost the popular vote there. >> trevor: now fthat sounded confusing, that's because it (bleep) is. the person with more votes should win. this is a weird system because no other country decides elections this way. it's even weird in america. you understand that. you don't elect mayors like this in america. you don't elect governors like this. you don't even elect idols like this. the presidency is the only office where for some reason you don't trust the popular vote. and by the way, this is not about trump. you know the system is broken
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because the person with more votes lost in two of the last five elections. that's 40%. 40%. if a plumber told me that every time i flushed my toilets there would be a 40% chance (bleep) would spray back at me, i'd be like, "maybe i need a new toilet." ( laughter ) but america is like, "i've had this toilet for 200 years. i'll be fine. i'll be fine. trump! trump! aahh! that was horrible. all right, next election!" and you know what makes the system even worse? even if you didn't vote for the candidate, you still end up voting for the can candidate. >> in most states, whoever wins the most votes takes all the electoral votes in what's called "winner take all." >> in the vast majority of states you just need to win by one vote to get all the electoral votes in the state is there you see that? that makes so sense. the winner shouldn't get the loser's votes. can you mblg how bad the
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olympics would be if they gave the winner all the medals. that wouldn't be fun. that's not fair, yeah, that's not fair. you love usain, but that's not fair. what about the russians? they took so many drugs to get there. come on, you sane! come on! winner takes all, means in big states, even if a second-place candidate gets millions of votes, the electoral college don't give a (bleep). so the nearly four million people who voted for hillary in texas or the 2.5 million who voted for trump in new york, they just don't count. they're like lines of dialogue in a "fast and furious" movie. they're there but they have no real value. ( laughter ) but like it or hate it, the electoral college is here to stay. it's even written into the constitution. and for me, whenever there's a constitutional matter on the show, we turn to the original source. ♪ ♪ i don't been you, but whenever i'm in a constitutional crisis i
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open up my favorite app. it's called "founding fathr." hold on. here we go. >> who summons me from ye olde app store. >> trevor: thomas jefferson, this is trevor noah. i have a question. >> okay, i know what you're going to say. yes, chances are, you are descended from me. but all the money's gone. >> trevor: no, no. no, mr. jefferson, it's not about that. it's about the electoral college. why does america need electors to pick a president? why not just trust the popular vote? ( laughing ) >> trust the popular vote! what a good joke. now i see why this show does so well with millennials. you see, trevor, in my day, we didn't tally a popular vote for president. we believed the common people were ill-informed and couldn't be relied on to reject a
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populist demagogue so we devised electors to guarantee america never elected a dangerous charismatic lunatic. >> trevor: i don't know if that worked out. the electoral college, america's handing the white house, because of them to a racist white guy instead of a more popular, more qualifieded woman. >> sounds like it's working perfectly. what's the problem? >> trevor: well, i guess in your day-- look, the thing, is it disorts the vote. voters don't get the power they should, and the candidates totally ignore everyone outside a few swing states. it's not a true democracy. you need to help us fix this. >> oh, i'd be happy to help for another 99 cents. >> trevor: are you kidding me? you have in-app purchases? >> well, solutions are a premium feature. and you get to unlock my summer outfit. >> trevor: i don't want to see your outfit. i want the solution, man. >> it's simple. just amend the constitution. >> trevor: people have tried and failed more than 700 times to amend the electoral college. it doesn't work because you need
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two-thirds of the house and the senate and-- >> three-quarters of the states. i know what's in the constitution, okay! look, could we have given it a bit more thought some sure. but building a country from scratch is (bleep) hard! have you ever tried to write something way feather! i mean, people were yelling! we were wearing wool pants! hamilton won't stop rapping in the corner. so, yeah! we botched some details. sue me! oh, you can't because i'm a ghost! >> trevor: whoa, whoa, mr. jefferson, i didn't mean to upset you. >> well, you know, you could make it up to me. >> trevor: oh, i'd be glad to. how do i make it up? >> well that-- that thing you did last time with your hand. >> trevor: oh, you mean-- you mean this thing? >> oh, yeah. ( laughs ) stop it! stop it! i'm going to (bleep) my pantaloons. make sure you rate the app! make sure you rate the app.
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>> trevor: we'll be right >> trevor: we'll be right ah, i'm in there as katie. >> trevor: we'll be right i'll call you later i won't, i'll text you, because what am i your dad? "don't stay out too late!". yea, just text me. thank you, get home safe. this must be what antonio brown feels like when he's dancing in the end zone. touchdown antonio brown! [crowd cheering] this must be how lucas felt when he finally got katie's number. ♪ pepsi.
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this is how many people were born here. this is how many are named hiawatha kitty mcgee. this guy keeps the town dry. these guys would prefer it a little wet. this many are proud of what we make here. this is how many will go around bragging about it. this is our town. for 150 years, the home of jack daniel's. if you can't get here, just look for one of our postcards. they look like this. just look for one of our postcards. this year at t-mobile, the holidays are on us! switch your family of four to t-mobile, get unlimited everything, and we'll give you $800. that's right! $800 to spend anywhere you want. plus, all season long, get awesome deals on smartphones, tablets, and accessories. hurry in to t-mobile and get your holidays on us.
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or one really hungry person.ree menu is perfect for two people. buy one meal from our buy one get one free menu and get a second absolutely free. only at applebee's. these new chipotle thins are amazing.onfetti popper you got that right. sfx: the thud of a rubber ball hitting dad mmmm. mmmm. guys! we should do this again next weekend. visit and you could win unreal nfl experiences. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: welcome back to "daily show." the 2016 election was sort of like an episode of "the walking dead." it was long, brutal, and it left us all feeling hopeless about humanity. so to let us know how he's coping, we're joined by hasan minhaj. >> hey, man. ( cheers and applause ) you know, i've bhn just as depressed as everyone else about all this trump stuff, mostly because, you know,... and people are like, "hasan, how do you get
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through it?" i'll tell you how. a little piece of magic i discovered on facebook. "wheel of fugative"! >> hello, everyone, i'm sheriff wayne ivy and you've watching "wheel of fugative." >> gl is that a real show? >> yeah, it's real. the brevard county sheriff's department makes a game show about catching criminals. dude, this beard is not a fashion choice. i haven't had time to shave because i've been binge watching for the past week. >> our weekly show where we give this wheel a spin, whatever fugitive it lands on, we're going to ask our citizens to help find him. let's see what this week's suspect is. that looks like it's going to be joshua roberts smith. is who we're going to look for this week. if you know where to find mr. smith, please contact us by going to crime line. >> yes! this is so much fun! >> trevor: hasan, i don't know
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how i feel about this. we have to take law enforcement seriously. >> dude, loosen up! tell me you weren't happy when the wheel didn't land on the black guy. ( laughter ) ( applause ). >> trevor: i'm not going to lie, it was gripping. i'm not going to lie. i'm not going to lie. like, if it was spinning, "don't land on the black guy." i can't lie. >> isn't it a relief ton wheels aren't bias gld look i don't understand, i don't understand. why don't the police try to catch all the criminals instead of just picking one per week. >> dude! you are ruining the game! now, you guys are probably wondering what happens if you're a fugitive but you don't have a penis? well, they've got you covered. ♪ it's ladies night >> oh, hey, everybody, i'm sheriff wayne wifey of the brevard county sheriff's office and we have a little din spin this week. we've got ladies' night. >> yeah! >> trevor: i'm sorry, what did i just see?
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>> the most incredible show online. >> trevor: no, no, sorry, guys. imagine if you were phoning the cops and you're in an exphrnlg they won't answer because they're spinning a wheel. that is not a good thing to think of. >> i wouldn't mind. you know what they should add for season two, they should add a wheel of sentencing. it's like you exit a crime ask then it's like, "come on, come on, come on! $20 fine! $20 fine! come on! oh! lethal injection for jaywalking. >> trevor: hasan, hasan, i don't like the idea that american police forces aren't taking their job seriously, man i just don't-- >> i would agree with you if criminals weren't snitching on themselves. let me show you my second favorite things online-- criminals breaking the law to get more followers. because if you're going to go to jail, you might as well go viral. >> a raid at a huntsville home seen in a viral video ends in arrestarrests and seizures. it was a video that went viral,
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where huntsville teens were in it, wielding guns and it caused residents to be concerned. wean two people were taken into custody. we'll bring you updates as soon as they come in. >> you see! cops don't even need to say, "freeze" anymore. they just need to play "black beatle" and the criminals will do it for them." by the way. why is this one guy chilling in the middle of a shoot-out? everyone is acting like they're in a shoot-out, and this one guy is like, "hey, man, i'm just going to lean against the car and think about my girl." i love the idea that gangsters are going to be doing social media challenges now. isn't that amazing? i'm little big here to do the ice bucket challenge because the only thing i love more than murder is helping people with a.l.s. >> trevor: i'm so confuse. why would somebody post something to incriminate themselves. >> two people have been arrested in the fight against wildfires. police say johnny mullins admitted to starting a wildfire. they say mulins is a wannabe
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weatherman who started fires to gain followers and likes on facebook. >> all right, this one was unnecessary. >> trevor: thank you, thank you. >> because if you want to get facebook likes, don't commit arson. just do what everyone else does-- have a baby! all right, look. if you've got to do your social crime on social media, eliminate your digital paper trail. use snapchat like i did. yo, what's up, new york city. i'm buying drugs with my drug dealer dan. what's up, dan? >> dude, what the (bleep) are you doing? >> cocaine. >> see! snapchat! the evidence disappears in 24 hours. it's not going to be there anymore. >> trevor: hasan, it didn't disappear you just showed that on tv. >> does that mean i'm going viral. >> trevor: no, it probably means you're going to jail. >> follow me on instagram @hasan
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in jai ♪ ♪ whoa, papa ♪ run, run, run, run, running ♪ run, run, run, run, running ♪ there's nothing in this life that's ever bringing me down ♪ ♪ she said don't you ever ♪ ever, ever ♪ run, run, run, run, running ♪ whoa, papa, run
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and i am a senior public safety my namspecialist for pg&e. my job is to help educate our first responders on how to deal with natural gas and electric emergencies. everyday when we go to work we want everyone to work safely and come home safely. i live right here in auburn, i absolutely love this community. once i moved here i didn't want to live anywhere else. i love that people in this community are willing to come together to make a difference for other people's lives. together, we're building a better california.
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>> trevor: welcome back. my guest tonight plays paper boi on the critically acclaimed new show "atlanta." >> come on in, paper boi. >> what? no. >> please, man. when was the last time you were nice to a girl you weren't trying to smash? >> this morning. >> you are talking about your daughter, man. that's gross. >> no, it would be gross if i was trying to smash... i don't want a handout. i want to manage you. >> manage? >> you know where the word "manage" come from? >> latin for hand. >> probably, but i'm going to say no for the purpose of my argument. "manage" comes from the word "man." >> my name? >> malcolm. >> martin, you know what they did to him? they killed him? >> didn't they kill malcolm,
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too? >> trevor: please welcome brian tyree henry. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: you are such a good actor, that i sing paper boi like it's a real artist. i walk around ♪ paper boi, paper boi >> you should make that the new intro to the show. >> trevor: i should. i should. for a lot of people, the first time they see brian on screen is playing a rapper in "atlanta." but you are a man who has traveled through multiple worlds. you studied at yale. you were well versed in the world of drama. i think it actually takes a lot of smarts to play a character like paper boi. >> you know, it's really funny because when i got this part, i was like, "i know i can play this part, man.
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i know who alfred is." i went to college in atlanta. i still have alfreds in my life, and it doesn't really change how people view me in the streets anyway. >> trevor: yeah. >> like, it's amazing if i put on a polo and a gold chain, and then i go up to them speaking the king's english, they're like, "wait, wait, wait. hold on! aren't you supposed to be like this? shouldn't you be that way?" "no, it's what you sometimes put on me." i like wearing lids and throwing on something different eye like to throw off people's expectations of what they think i am >> trevor: that's really what "atlanta" is. for people who haven't watched it, when you started watching "atlanta," you think this is just a show about hip-hop. i remember when "atlanta" was being previewed, when they were doing the previews for the agents and stuff, someone was in the room, and they were like, "oh, is that, that new black show?" "it's a black show." it was talked about as donald glover's "black show." it actually is. >> they were actually right, this time. it's a black-ass show. and you're welcome.
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like, about time. like, for once. ( applause ). >> trevor: but this is what i find fascinating-- you correct me if i'm wrong. >> go ahead. >> trevor: it feels like in its specificity, in its blackness, it appeals to everybody. >> well, here's the thing, we are in a time that we have to let people know that you don't know everything about all the people you think you know. it's so easy to put these labels and all these micro-aggressions on us when you have no idea or have walked in our shoes, and wouldn't want to walk in our shoes. you know what i mean? so it was like, why not do this show that is just in this universe of "atlanta" where we give you these stories of these characters but also, like, throw these absurdities in there. yeah, in our universe there's an invisible car. how about that? how about our justin bieber is black? i remember thinking we are going to get so much hate mail. like, people are going to be so pissed. i was like, actually, people are very accepting and understanding of, you know, what? this is what we wanted. this is what we needed.
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and to hear that from people, that's the thing that trips me out, "we needed this show. we really needed it." "okay, we've still got stories for days. we can keep it going." >> trevor: i'll tell you why i felt it touched my heart. it was because-- it was a story where for once it was a black show that wasn't being watered down-- >> right. >> trevor: --to be a black show. >> right. >> trevor: it wasn't a show that went, "hey, we're going to water this down, watered down acceptable version of blackness to get white viewers." >> right. >> trevor: to appreciate this. honestly, what i found in that is everyone who watches it, black or white, goes, "this is real." there is a realness to the show you can feel. >> yeah. >> trevor: even when you're playing alfred, what do you feel you share in common with alfred? because i feel like you are almost one and the same. >> yeah, i've slapped a lot of people with cash lately. ( laughter ) but, i mean, because the thing is we all are alfred. we all at some point in our lives have been this guy, where people have put these labels on
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us, where all we want to do is wake up and, like, you know, go through life following our dreemedz. and i just really wanted alfred to be represented, because it's so easy to label him as a thug and label him as unintelligent, label him as just being a rabble-rouser-- i just said "rabble-rouser." i wanted him to have so many more layers because usually the alfreds of the world do. i know what that's like. >> trevor: i have not watch aid tv show that can handle more themes in a tv show than "atlanta" does. >> oh, trev. >> trevor: thank you for everything you do. >> trevor: good luck in all your ventures. you can check out "atlanta" on fx app as well as on itunes and amazon. brian tyree henry, everybody. we'll be right back. (vo) it's the holidays at verizon, and the best deals are on the best network. (both) yes! (vo) with no surprise overages, you can use your data worry free and even carry over the data you don't use.
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and right now get four lines and 20 gigs for only $40 per line. and, just for the holidays, get the motoz play droid absolutely free. no trade-in required. i love you in that, no, i love you in that. no, i love you in that! (vo) hurry, these offers end soon. get the best deals and the best network, only on verizon.
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fortified.tored. replenished. emerge everyday with emergen-c packed with b vitamins, antioxidants, electrolytes plus more vitamin c than 10 oranges. why not feel this good everyday? emerge and see. (groaning continues) you got one more.eed here we go.g push. congrats! i hear you're having a baby. here we go. just breathe. here we go. you better start saving for college tuition. and you'll probably need a bigger house at some point. but new york life can help you manage your family's financial future. so you can relax, and enjoy life's special moments. like this moment. (guttural yelling) that's what being good at life is all about, right? (vo) be good at life. new york life. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight. here it is. your moment of zen. >> cheese dip can be served on a
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ritz cracker or with one of those tiny vienna sauce annuals. caseo is made to be scooped up with tortilla chips dribbling down your chin and on to your shir comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh captioning sponsored by comedy central >> chris: 29 mines until tied night midnight. here is the thing russ expected to have a opinion, time magazine president of the clear is our president of collected donald trump. now he's an '80s movie villain, you guy, an '80s movie villain, is he the one who whatever that story is he keeps the nerds from accomplishing whatever thing is, and then they got to in the end teach him a lesson. is he like-- thras' him. now do if you are not a trmp fan the title goes to someone who is influential, not someone necessarily the greatest person ever. if that was the case, every year would just go to the rock


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